The insight
One evening while I was staying in Vienna I decided to walk through Karlsplatz, a big and wonderful park. There were a lot of o people having fun, drinking, and playing music. They occupied not only the park but also the space close to the entrance of the Karlskirche church. And it kinda saddened me to see that the view of this beautiful church is undermined by the drunk and loud people surrounding it.
I went into the church and near the entrance I saw a pope talking to some young people. I thought that he is probably angry and wanted them to get further from the church because they are drinking and are too loud, but, nevertheless, I went in the church and continued my sightseeing.
I was amazed by the big and fascinating murals and sculptures. It was scary to think how much work and time was invested into the art and architecture. I got chills thinking about the reasons one must have to do such grueling tasks, but I also felt at peace at the same time.
After some time, I slowly went to exit the church with a calming sensation, but what I saw next shocked me. While I was closing in to the entrance, I saw the same pope that I have seen a few minutes ago coming in with the young people he was talking to. I was certain he wanted them to get away, but, in the end, he invited them and gave them a church tour and they were calmly listening.
Agape
To summarize the insights:
Instead of telling them to go away, the pope invited them.
Instead of being angry, he was calm and accepting.
Instead of wanting something, he gave a part of himself.
I may be naive, but that seemed to me to be agape. That is the love that transforms a non-person into a person. The love where we give before the other person earns.
In this sense, this is a giving, unconditional, charitable, and sacrificial love.
We stop being in the center of our attention and we sacrifice the ego. We sacrifice the “I” and our “wanting”. We become a vehicle for others.
This doesn’t mean that we have to sacrifice our well-being and health. Agape involves being vulnerable and courageous, but not foolish. To do something for others we have to be in good shape.
Also, agape is not forcefully helping. When we act with force, we act with selfishness and that is never a part of agape.
My intention is not to put a value judgment on the different types of love nor do I want to say that you have to be a Christian in order to love unconditionally. Agape is a universal human experience.
Conditional love has its place, but sometimes the only time we can change people is when we accept and understand them as they are and give them a part of ourselves without any expectation.
So do you use force or do you try to understand when you want to change someone?