Did you ever get that answer?
But that’s just me. I’m just like that.
You criticized and you’ve got this:
I cannot change. That’s just me.
End then what can you say? What can you do? What exactly is the other person trying to say?
Well, I think people are giving an answer to the wrong question.
Who is that you that one is talking about? Is it this pattern that you make? Is your personality you? Are your actions you?
You see, it is not that simple.
Most of the time it seems like a bad excuse. It seems like one doesn’t want to accept responsibilities. Not only that but it often brings feelings of shame to the other side by giving a critique or feedback. It is a manipulative trick.
The person giving feedback is now in a position where they cannot critique the action without giving a statement that wraps the receiving person as a whole.
I’m not saying that a person cannot have typical patterns. We all have a personality that will push us more towards some traits and less towards another. Someone is more consciousness, hard-working, someone is more open to experience, and someone is more introverted. These personality traits are then shown in our behavior.
But that is just one part of the equation.
The problem is when we just see that as our identity. And what easily happens is that we put a blind eye to a spot where everything is pointing.
All the people I met are jealous.
Every partner cheated on me.
Why nobody loves me.
Sometimes you cannot control what others think about you. But often when you think that everyone is doing harm to you do you ask yourself:
What am I doing to put myself in those positions? Am I the one who gives unwanted intentions without noticing?
As much as it is not comfortable in order to grow we have to think about the critique of others. In order to move forward, we have to not get just compliments, but also feedback.
And this feedback can bring you down. It can make you feel sad, angry, and disappointed, but at least it can help you to move forward and decrease the self-illusion.
So if you get a critique next time maybe the other side is not dismissing you but caring.